Inertia

As I was walking home tonight, I realized this whole day had happened by inertia. I woke up much earlier than I expected to, with bad news coming out of my mother's lips as she stood on the doorway: my grandmother had passed away.
Sobbing, my mother told me the story of how she had come to be aware of the bad news herself. "You always know. When you get a phone call at this kind of hour, you always know what you're about to hear on the other side of the line", she said. But, truth be told, it was a relief, for her and our whole family. My grandmother had been suffering this agony for more than two years and it was time for her to move on, and for her suffering to end. I'm not entirely sure she would agree with me, though, as it was my impression that she was probably scared of giving that last step, or even had some pending affair to complete before doing so. But it seems she gathered all the courage she could, and she did it.
Even though I returned to bed a few minutes after this event, I could not sleep for another two hours. And when I finally entered the world of unconsciousness, I stayed at the doorway, only at a feeble sleep.
After waking up and taking a shower, I greeted my family, who were all sitting at the table in my kitchen, waiting to go to the nearest restaurant for lunch. After much noisy talk, they finally left. It didn't seem like an extraordinary day to them, I thought. That was until I saw my sister later on, who did seem pretty shaken up and quite silent.
The rest of the day went by, as I said, by some sort of inertia. It was like a fuzzy dream, and nothing seemed real. Everything seemed boring, and everything seemed gloomy. Even my glasses felt weird on my face. It was not an ordinary day.
I wasn't expecting feeling like this when I got home that night. My mother was already asleep, and silence was ruling the appartment. But it was strange silence. It was very noticeable. I was very aware of it. A sudden urge to sit on the kitchen floor came over me, and as I did, I submerged myself in that silence. And with that silence, I felt the pain. Deep inside, a mixture of things were going on, a mixture of thoughts were being born and a mixture of feelings were becoming alive. This whole day, however driven by inertia, was suddenly very real. All the pain was surfacing rapidly and there was no stopping it.
And suddenly, I felt it. And smelled it. Death had been in this home today. It's not the first time it had visited the premises, but it was the first time it had made it's presence felt. It had left its particles in the air, and all over the place. There was no room that was not impregnated by it's scent, it's silence, and it's awareness. The sadness that came up as a result was mortifying. It was a sadness that could not be ignored. It was a sadness that was walking hand in hand with emptiness. It was an uninvited guest that had decided to inflict it's presence anyway, however unwanted. And right now, she's sitting right next to me, hugging me, even though I'm struggling to get rid of her.
She probably won't stay that long. We all know she is like a sister to Death. She follows Death around, and Death has already left. Fortunately, Death sometimes takes something with it we will have no more use for. In my case, Death took my anger and hatred away. I truly cannot feel them anymore. And, once sadness leaves, my goodbyes will have been said.